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Mystico’s, Week of July 31, 2014

Mystico’s, Week of July 31, 2014

Aquarius  A formidable foe, a competitive bid, the clock and a full house: these things, this week, you are not meant to beat. Accept it, and plot your comeback. Pisces  Your problem is, you expect 5G things from a 3G effort. Upgrade that outmoded attitude, and stop expecting others to swipe the “Try” button.  Aries  […]

Mystico’s, Week of July 17, 2014

Mystico’s, Week of July 17, 2014

Aquarius  A battle between blind trust and gut instinct brews, when a friend asks you to play a small but crucial supporting role in their daffy moneymaking scheme. Pisces  Cultivate fuse box maintenance skills, or the dairy in the fridge will spoil before your outer borough super can make it into town.  Aries  Horizontal stripes, […]

Mystico’s, Week of July 3, 2014

Mystico’s, Week of July 3, 2014

Aquarius  A sudden change in your distaste for rainbow sherbert causes you to question other firmly entrenched opinions. Embrace evolution! Pisces  Your inner strength is no match for the awesome power of fate. Calmly accept the unsettling events of next Thursday.  Aries  To nature, on track, and in the saddle: The “B” thing that these […]

Mystico’s Golden Girls Horoscopes

Mystico’s Golden Girls Horoscopes

Aquarius  A crisis at work calls for the smarts of Dorothy, the cunning of Sophia, the sunny disposition of Rose, and the beguiling ways of Blanche. Pisces  Learn a lesson from the field mouse and the brown bear: Be friends with your ex, but draw the line at mating!  Aries  You must improvise when a […]

Mystico’s Horoscopes

Mystico’s Horoscopes

Aquarius  The final ingredient of a difficult dish will come to you — in the form of a song lyric overheard while waiting in line. Pisces  Temper your appetite for more, when a game of chance keeps going your way.  Aries  Friends give you the star treatment, upon observing how events in your life parallel […]

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes

Aquarius  Your stubborn sense of justice will provide a much-needed moral compass to the confused focus group charged with evaluating an exciting new flavor of frozen yogurt. Pisces  Look at the price tag and think about the cost, before purchasing that cheap thrill.  Aries  A prisoner of love makes a lousy cell mate, and has […]

Mystico, Week of May 7, 2014

Mystico, Week of May 7, 2014

Aquarius  Replace the strict rules and unsolicited advice of others with trick moves and blanket statements of your own — or suffer a horrible fate. Pisces  Storm clouds gather when a high-pressure event charges your particles, pushes your buttons and raises your hackles. Let a smile be your metaphorical umbrella.  Aries  The shape of a […]

Mystico’s Cinematic Horoscopes

Mystico’s Cinematic Horoscopes

Aries  Help an elderly neighbor who needs a ride to Mos Eisley, and earn a free lesson on the ways of the force. P.S. — that hologram is your twin sister! Taurus  You will join The Preacher’s Wife and The Farmer’s Daughter, in pursuit of The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit. Gemini  Next Tuesday […]

Senior Specific Horoscopes

Senior Specific Horoscopes

Aries  Nothing is as good as it used to be — except your ability to give snotty kids an unsolicited history lesson! Taurus  Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Invest equally in scratch tickets, BINGO cards and high yield municipal bonds. Gemini  One person’s twerking is another person’s Dougie and another’s hustle, twist […]

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes

Aries  Beware the rash impulse to purchase that optional in-store warranty. Like blessings for sneezing atheists, they are rarely worth the effort. Taurus  This is a horrible week to set goals. Time is to be frittered, money is to be wasted and orders are to be super-sized! Gemini  A little bird called Buzzfeed tells Mystico: […]

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