Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes: Late August Edition! | chelseanow.com

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes: Late August Edition!

Aquarius You will decode winning stock tips from a new track dropped by a diva whose work you’ve long dismissed.

Pisces Fabric store felt and flea market glitter provide the backbone for a pride-on-the-line art project challenge. Get crafty!

Aries Beware the cheap motel room, for it often opens the door to an expensive mistake.

Taurus You will meet a compatible stranger in the third aisle of a supermarket rumored to have lowered their outrageous asking price for avocados.

Gemini Uneasy dreams prompt you to rethink a fall fashion splurge inspired by a discount coupon that expires soon.

Cancer The sight of students returning to class will fill you with an urge to dust off that old thermos. Skip the whisky this time, dear Cancer, and go with soup!

Leo A bell, somebody’s clock, and a wedding band finger: These are things you can ring next Tuesday.

Virgo You will question the age-appropriateness of a daring recreational activity planned for the long weekend. Do it anyway!

Libra A fantastic new soft drink sold at your go-to convenience store promises lasting pleasure but delivers only fizzy, fleeting jitters.

Scorpio Cool your jets, tempestuous Scorpio, when a button-pushing friend presses you on an old debt, long since settled, that they just won’t let you forget.

Sagittarius Next Wednesday afternoon is your cosmic prime time to show caution the wind and indulge an urge that killjoy chum keeps warning you about.

Capricorn Stop screaming at the clueless people on that TV show where they tell you what old stuff is worth. It’s not nice — plus, they can’t hear you!