Mystico’s Halloween Horrorscopes | chelseanow.com

Mystico’s Halloween Horrorscopes

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Aquarius  You will find it difficult to abandon the freedoms granted to you by a flamboyant, well-received Halloween costume.

Pisces  Don’t let a possible Zombie Apocalypse prevent you from 401(k) contributions and responsible estate planning.

Aries  Beware the final stroke of midnight, which unlocks a sinister portal to the netherworld — and reminds us we’ve missed the opening credits for that “Golden Girls” repeat.

Taurus It is better to dole out candy treats on demand than to slip and fall while cleaning a tricky rooftop corner clogged with toilet paper and raw eggs.

Gemini Invoking the mantra spoken by Reta Shaw in 1966’s “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken” will allow you to momentarily distract a thirsty vampire.

Cancer  Like a slasher film victim who won’t leave the house, an uncharacteristically foolish friend needs you to intervene with helpful, life-saving strategies.

Leo  False walls, crypts, hidden passages and dreams of October 27 are all places where secrets are buried and treasure is found.

Virgo  Popcorn balls and quarters make lousy trick-or-treats — just as your sour attitude is no match for the deal you feel should be sweetened. Take it!

Libra  Blame the witches’ brew in the costume party punch if you must — but don’t leave without telling that certain someone how you truly feel.

Scorpio You will scream at the laundromat TV, when forced to sit through one of those horrendous “Good Witch” movies on Hallmark Channel. Regret follows at home, while folding.

Sagittarius  Your inability to resist pumpkin-flavored seasonal snacks will cause a bloody, limb-severing incident in the supermarket express line.

Capricorn  Temper toxic words toward an undeserving target, lest they cast a spell of doom over your potentially powerful cosmic aura.