Aries Staten Island Chuck predicts six weeks of bad romance, should you fall for a suave player’s tempting pick-up line. Resist!
Taurus Be on the lookout for the wearer of a raspberry beret, walking in through the out door. It is your one true soulmate!
Gemini A purely physical relationship is like Justin Bieber’s monkey: fun at first, then too loud for the neighbors, then seized by customs and mocked on TMZ.
Cancer Their tone of voice tells you — when wondering whether it’s a polite exchange or a romantic overture.
Leo Those chalky candy hearts with the cute, two-word messages? Dole them out with wisdom and restraint — or run afoul of your company’s sexual harassment policy.
Virgo Let a binge on deeply discounted Valentine’s candy be your sweet reward, should Cupid’s arrow fly straight by your tush.
Libra A corny joke, told well but with bashful reserve, endears you to a stranger whose physical appearance is far from your usual thing.
Scorpio You will be flattered when two fiery suitors duel to settle their claim on your affections, but wracked with guilt when a musket ball hits its mark.
Sagittarius Trying to mold a sloppy kisser into a sensitive cuddler is as ill-advised as serving decaf to a cross-country trucker.
Capricorn A swirling sea of jealousy, stirred up by two love triangles, casts a pall over your deep sea fishing expedition. Don’t take sides!
Aquarius Time travel to ensure your parents meet is risky — and impossible — and a drag on the DeLorean’s resale value.
Pisces Those hurt one time too many by love should give lust a try. You’re welcome!