Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes, | chelseanow.com

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes,

mysticoWeek of July 17, 2013

Aries  A wool garment worn on a humid day serves as a sweaty reminder that your laundry should have been done days ago. Stop procrastinating, pokey Aires!

Taurus  A midnight stroll taken to escape your stuffy apartment leads you into a bar where you will become obsessed with guessing the drink special’s secret ingredient. A stubborn bartender resists your bribery attempts.

Gemini  Impulsive Geminis should emulate their more structured Zodiac brethren. Making a plan, and sticking to it, is the only way to conquer this week’s daunting challenges.

Cancer  Overconfidence stemming from your enjoyment of that “Sharknado” movie leads to a wasted weekend of viewing horrendous videos devoid of camp value. Cancel your cable and read a good book!

Leo  Resist the urge to cease going through your day with a kind word and a smile for petty tyrants. Your sunny disposition is about to pay spectacular dividends. Reinvest half of it in a Roth IRA!

Virgo  Memories dredged up during dinner with an old friend will give you the confidence to stick the landing on a leap of faith. Others will be inspired by your bold move.

Libra  Your novel use of an infomercial product, which comes to you in a dream, will cure a physical ailment that would normally require expensive outpatient care.

Scorpio  Pins and needles make for a lousy perch this weekend, as you scan social media for reactions to an ill-advised tweet. Maintain a low profile for the next five days.

Sagittarius  The third person you see boarding the next subway car you take will be reading a newspaper whose headline harbors the solution to a most vexing problem.

Capricorn  A family heirloom you’ve taken in for appraisal turns out to be worthless…but a window display across the street contains an object essential to your happiness this weekend.

Aquarius  Stop filling the empty suitcase of a new relationship with baggage from an old one. Nobody wants a traveling companion still bitter from ancient betrayals.

Pisces  Answer the ring of a payphone, meek Pisces, and intercept an ominous message meant for an absent other. The ensuing adventure is worth the risk.

One Response to Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes,

  1. Roth IRA providers April 18, 2014 at 4:36 am

    lol I'm a LEO and this article makes me want to open my Roth IRA again.

    Reply

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