Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes | chelseanow.com

Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes

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22horoscopeAries
A craving for campfire s’mores can’t be satisfied while on staycation. Into the woods you go! Lucky tone: Sepia.

Taurus
The ability to analyze your dreams is useless if you can’t remember them. Invest in a fancy bedside pen/pad/flashlight set. Lucky disbanded band: Talking Heads.

Gemini
Next Wednesday’s carefully woven plan for the day will quickly unravel. Be flexible, and embrace the ensuing adventure. Lucky shape: Octagon.

Cancer
Stop pursuing that hobby for which you have no natural gifts. You were better at that other thing, and happier doing it. Lucky sash color: Yellow.

Leo
Don’t get so freaked out by streetlamps that go dark as you walk under them. Not everything is an omen! Lucky Apocalypse Horseman: Third.

Virgo
The new moon heralds an age of time spent in old haunts, with good friends. Frankie says relax! Lucky source of stimulation: Magic Fingers mattress.

Libra
Resist the urge to go off on a subway busker who butchers a favorite song from your youth. Tip well and receive karmic rewards. Lucky pattern: Tweed.

Scorpio
You will be distracted from an important project by that YouTube clip of a lovelorn Yukon moose. Focus! Lucky bird/habit: Humming.

Sagittarius
A refreshing breeze upon exiting your apartment deceives you. Accept the humidity and plan accordingly. Lucky form of madness: Reefer.

Capricorn
You never tire of telling others that life is too short for mediocre toast — so think twice before skimping on that discount brand jam. Lucky ice state: Shaved.

Aquarius
An eccentric moves into that apartment with high turnover, staying for years and filling your life with wacky next door neighbor antics. Lucky dimension: 2×4.

Pisces
You have more strong opinions this week than there are grains of sand on all the beaches. Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Lucky Rogers: Kenny.

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